Parenting can be one of the most meaningful and rewarding endeavors in life, but it can also at the same time be deeply frustrating, demoralising and intimidating. It’s in-service training without the benefit of hindsight. Not only is parenting challenging, but it needs to be in accordance with God’s design and His eternal purposes.
“Your greatest contribution to the Kingdom of God may not be something that you do, but someone that you raise.” Andy Stanley.
Godly parenting therefore requires parents to elevate our thinking and the example that we set for our children to be in accordance with God’s Higher Ways. In Isaiah 55: 8-9 we are reminded that God’s ways are higher and far more glorious than our own ways. Not only are God’s ways higher than our ways, but they are also alien to the ways of the world. (1 Pet 1:1-2). As citizens of God’s kingdom we have become foreigners and exiles to this world. We can therefore expect opposition from society as we seek not to conform to the patterns of this world. (Rom 12:2)
As parents we have to become Life Long students of God’s higher thoughts and how they practically relate to parenting in order for us to receive God’s highest commendation one day, “Well done Good and Faithful Servants/Parents.” We need to firstly become students of God’s life changing Word so that we can discern His ways for our families and secondly we need to become attentive and responsive students of our children. Students of God’s Word Parents need to acknowledge with humility, that God’s ways are better than their own and better than that of others, including theologians, child psychologists, behavioural specialists, their parents, friends and society etc. Reading books on parenting is beneficial, but should not be at the expense of reading God’s word. Everyone is entitled to their opinions, but not everyone’s opinion has equal weight. “God doesn’t bless perfect parenting. He blesses humble parenting.” Anon
Godly wisdom starts with reverence for God, “The Fear of the Lord is the beginning of all wisdom.” (Pro 1:7, 9:10, Ps 111:10) We are further instructed in scripture also not to lean on our own understanding, but rather to acknowledge God in all our ways/parenting. (Pro 3: 5-6) Practically it means that we need to be reading and studying God’s word regularly. Not out of routine, but rather out a genuine desire to discern God’s gentle whisper, his divine promptings, “Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, “This is the way; walk in it.” Isa 30:21 This verse is a wonderful reminder that God promises us that He will guide us through the complex parental mazes that we face, i.e. “At what age should my child be allowed to date? When can my child receive their first cell phone? What parties can my child attend? How will I approach age restrictions when it comes to films, computer games, songs, literature? Appropriate clothing?” Today’s society is permissive and invasive and it is therefore very important that we formulate a biblical response to the challenges and opposition that we face. Simply saying to our children, “Do it because I told you to!” is disempowering and dismissive. Explaining your reasons from a biblical perspective and acknowledging the complexity of the situation increases your spiritual credibility and the authenticity of your faith. It also points your children to God as the final word in all matters. God’s design and desire for our lives and that of our children are clearly evident in His word.
Students of your Children Being attentive to our children’s changing emotional, physical and spiritual needs is critical for impactful, meaningful parenting. Acknowledging our children’s uniqueness as celebrated in Ps 139: 13-17 is important as our children are not clones of ourselves, but rather precious, uniquely created beings, “woven together” by God, for His pleasure and purposes. Becoming a student of your child entails the following. We need to afford them the “space” and opportunities to explore their own interests and passions. We need to encourage meaningful conversations with our children. If we are not then be assured that someone else is. We need to speak less and listen more. We need to ask more open ended questions and encourage open and honest dialogue without being judgemental and condescending. We need to be attentive to our children’s body language and what they are not saying. Body language can be a very powerful barometer of our children’s well-being. We need to be aware of who they are spending their time with, get to know their friends and what they stand for. We need to be aware of the positive and negative forces at work in our children’s lives and how best we can assist and empower them to make wise, God honouring decisions. Becoming a student of God’s word and our children is important and critical for Godly parenting. The book of James assures us that if we ask God for wisdom, He will give it to us. Thankfully we have God, the perfect parent, to help guide and lead us and don’t have to do this alone.