SUICIDE – A challenge for parents

HELPING FAMILIES THRIVE – FOCUS ON THE FAMILY

“We’ve found that suicide has become a major challenge for parents – across the world. Current stats indicate that every 3-seconds a teenager attempts suicide in South Africa – and every 40 seconds one of them succeeds!

Now more than ever, we need to equip ourselves! Click here now for access to our newly launched teen suicide prevention programme, ‘Alive to Thrive’.

Even if you’re not a parent but work with children – this can be an essential tool for you.

Please, will you help us share ‘Alive to Thrive’ with friends and family? Post it on your social media pages and groups – including school-chat groups. You can use this link – http://bit.ly/atthrive – simply copy and paste to your contacts.

Knowledge is power – let’s make this free programme available to as many people as we can!”

Focus on the Family – Helping Families Thrive

https://safamily.us2.list-manage.com/track/click?u=a739b84bca37e978296b9068b&id=304d104d46&e=ad8a410172



BEWILDERED FIRST TIME PARENTS

BEWILDERED FIRST TIME PARENTS 🤣

Brett, Alix & Adalynn Taylor

 

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight” (Proverbs 3:5-6).

 

It’s hard to write a devotion that other parents are going to read when you only have 5 months of experience, but I guess you do learn a lot in a short space of time. During Alix’s pregnancy, we tried to stay as well informed as possible while keeping our expectations as realistic as possible, but there is no way to avoid the bewilderment of being a first time parent. 

 

From the moment Adalynn was born, there were decisions to be made and many voices ringing in our heads from all the advice we’d already been given. Sometimes the advice was helpful but other times, it didn’t quite fit our situation. We quickly learnt the value of taking moments to pray together about decisions, even when it didn’t feel like we had a moment to spare. 

 

It is wonderful and amazing how God has lead us through so many decisions, big and small. We specifically prayed for the right advice to come our way at the right times, and it did! We absolutely believe that God was guiding us in this way, as well as in many other ways. We still see this and look out for it all the time, because we realise that our understanding brings confusion, indecision, stress and tension. Instead, submitting to God’s guidance brings a clear, straight path, and a peace while walking in it.

 

We have no idea what’s coming next, but we know where we’ll turn in the next moment of bewilderment.

 


Being a Single Dad

How I am surviving being a single dad

My story starts in 2009, on August the third, when my son was born. He was born by means of a caesarean delivery, which provided me with an opportunity, normally given to mothers, which is, to hold him on my naked chest for some time. That experience is impossible to reduce to words. The bond that was formed that day was merely the beginning of a love like I have never experienced.

In 2013 my marriage was on rocky ground. We tried to reconcile, but a year later, I moved out and another year later, our divorce was final. The implications of this breaking up of a family unit brought me much sadness, hardness and grief. The days felt like weeks; work seemed pointless; the idea of a new life did not exist. My joy was lost and I was like a dead-man walking. But there was one thing that kept me going… my son!

My son started showing typical signs of separation anxiety. This drove me to depression periodically. I only saw him Thursdays and every other weekend. This arrangement seems to work best and we still follow this regime today still. But even though it was working for my son, it was not for me. Being alone so much gave me time to think, and I think a lot! Being stuck in my thoughts brought out the worst in me, though fortunately every Thursday I was forced to get out of my rut and keep my chin up, though with variable success.

As parents we get along very well, which is by the grace of God alone. We were both saved after our separation and God’s Word became our go-to in times of need. However, as new believers, this was very difficult initially as we didn’t know the Bible. We were both attending a non-Bible teaching church and that did nothing for our faith. We found new churches and I ended up applying to study Theology full time to really get to learn the Bible. Subsequently we have become earnest learners of the Scriptures, which is a type of grace in itself.

We are a work in progress with many flaws still. This road was not easy up to now, but the Bible’s light surely made things much clearer. Our methods of thinking are not originating from a self-willed idea nor a concept of what we ourselves think is best for our son, but from God commands.  Not everything is simply stated in the Bible and answers to contemporary challenges are difficult to discern, however, with God’s Spirit of unity, we are committed to finding and following the truth.

I hate being divorced. I would be lying if I did not write that. It has broken me; my life and dreams are devastated and my son is bearing the consequences of it. I am forced to do homework, do school runs, and other children’s activities most moms would do. I don’t mind doing them, but I am often the only man there, and I know my son sees it. That is not the best Biblical example to show my son of what a father and husband looks like. Society has created an acceptable cultural identity for men like me. This is ungodly, it is sin and I refuse to conform to this pattern, even though it is not easily overcome.

I go through great lengths to teach my son Biblical truths and doctrine. He is only nine, so much of it is over his head, but after about two years of teaching him, I am seeing a change in his understanding. Because I don’t see him daily, we agreed that at our house, we only read the Bible. I do not mind storybooks, but I only get one shot at raising my son in a manner acceptable to God, so I choose to read the Bible.  

We also don’t just read stories, we discuss them. We try to go as deep as he can go with understanding the true message and I try to apply it to his life where possible. This is tremendously difficult for me – he is VERY busy and seldom even sits still when we read the Bible. I have tried making him sit still to no avail, but with some wise council, I discovered that even though he might be busy with a stick or a ball or tumbling around, he still hears and comprehends… it blows my mind, but it works.

Through all the pain and trials, I am growing in grace. God has been and is continuously being so good to us. I know how much God hates divorce, still, He chose to love me in my total brokenness. Not only as a broken family, but also as a broken, hurt and failing individual. If it were not for the Bible, I would be a mess. The truth has not only set me free, but set me on a path of righteousness; and with righteousness I mean a type of right standing with God, through Jesus, even as a divorced man.

My only advice to people, men or women, in my position, is to serve your ex-spouse. Be wrong, take the blame, apologise (even if you are right) and humble yourself. Remember Jesus died with a beaten and broken body, he bore our shame and guilt, he paid for our sins, all this so we do not have to, though we are to mimic Him.

To be humble is hard work, but the victory I walk in is not my own, but that of Christ’s finished work. Most divorced people live in constant animosity. You cannot be humble if you keep thinking about yourself, or even your kids. Most people fight because they want what is best for their kids… ironic, marriage is what is best for kids!! Start thinking about God and what He wants. Share Jesus’ good news with your kids and your ex. Even if he/she is not open to the message, you continue to submit in humility and have a servant attitude. Let Christ work in their hearts and you just keep praying. God is oh so faithful!

There is no biblical reconciliation manual for broken homes. Your only alternative is repentance. Turn from your sinful ways; your fighting, bickering and badmouthing. Humble yourself like Jesus, who is God, yet He died for people like you. Let Him save you, even now. There is forgiveness in the blood of Jesus and with forgiveness comes peace with God the Father. This is grace, this is Christianity and this is your and my only hope. Being a single parent is not the end of the road, heaven is.

I do not know much, but what I have written here is what I do and what has saved me thus far. I pray that you too will find peace amidst your very difficult situation.

May God bless you.



Relationship Matters

RELATIONSHIP MATTERS

 

I recently read a Focus on the Family article written by a mom whose kids have all left home and she was left with empty hallways and silent bedrooms. This really resonated with me. Somehow, I have got to the stage where I am closer to kids leaving and going out on their own than when I had them all under foot, running around like crazy beings.

I must admit, sometimes during all that craziness of babies crying, toddler temper tantrums, school time busyness and rushed afternoons filled with homework, sports and assignments, there were days where I would think it would be nice to have some peace and quiet.

Now that I have a few short years left before the last one of the family goes off to varsity and becomes independent, I am not so sure I am looking forward to those quiet days.

Looking back, I can’t believe how fast it has all gone (a common phrase often heard from parents). And I realise how short our time is to have our children around us and how few the opportunities are to minister into their lives. There is a well know saying; “the days are long, but the years are short, and this truly describes a parent’s journey. Before you know it, children need you less and less and the day comes when they are ready to go out into the world.

We have a very small window of time to be with our children and build relationships with them. Let’s not waste it. The time to build relationships with our children is now, during the busyness of day to day living.

Psalm 127 vs 3 teaches that children are our heritage from the Lord, our offspring are our reward from Him. If we really believe that then the time we have with our children will be precious beyond words and the desire to build relationships with them will become of the utmost importance. And it is that relationship which we can look forward to in the years that come. Our homes might be empty, but we have beautiful friendships with our children because we laid the foundations when they were young. When we keep that as the end goal, then time taken away from what you want to do to rather spend with your kids is no longer a sacrifice. It is a joy. The noise and craziness of young children running amok becomes pleasing because you know it is for such a brief period of time and then it passes. You appreciate every interaction you have with your kids because it is those that make a difference in their lives and to your relationship.

So often we get caught up in the busyness of our daily lives but if we want to build relationships that count, we need to intentionally put things into place to accomplish that. Make the time to have dinner around the table together. Engage with your children about topics that interest them.  Listen to the music that they like and watch tv programmes with them of their choice. Make time to go on family outings. Go on holidays together where there is no other agenda other than to spend time together. There is nothing like getting away from your home routine in order to build memories together. Our children can tell us word for word stories of what happened over the years during family holidays and we still laugh regularly about the “remember when” moments of years ago. It’s not easy, but listen to your children more than you talk. Practice not freaking out when they say something that upsets you. Parents freaking out is one of the biggest hindrances to children and teens sharing what is on their hearts. Be forgiving. Be humble. If you have had an argument or words have been exchanged, be quick to say sorry. Even if you were not fully at fault. When we humble ourselves and restore that relationship, not only are we modelling for our children a repentant heart, but we are showing them that our relationship with them is more important than us being right. Try and remember what it was like being a “misunderstood “child or a hormonal teenager. Think about their day and the pressures they face, the complex issues they have to navigate and let’s be understanding and tolerant. Above all, pray unceasingly for them.

 Will you have tough times? Of course you will. There will be days when it feels like you are on a battleground. But the stage you are in is going to pass. Will you make mistakes? That is a certainty. But children are often amazingly forgiving of the things we do and say that are wrong. Don’t despair or give up.  Keep the end goal in sight, that when they leave your home, you want that relationship intact.   Celebrate having them in your life and enjoy the heritage and reward the Lord has given you.

 

 

 



Once a Parent – Always a Student

Parenting can be one of the most meaningful and rewarding endeavors in life, but it can also at the same time be deeply frustrating, demoralising and intimidating.  It’s in-service training without the benefit of hindsight.  Not only is parenting challenging, but it needs to be in accordance with God’s design and His eternal purposes.
 
“Your greatest contribution to the Kingdom of God may not be something that you do, but someone that you raise.” Andy Stanley.
 
Godly parenting therefore requires parents to elevate our thinking and the example that we set for our children to be in accordance with God’s Higher Ways.  In Isaiah 55: 8-9 we are reminded that God’s ways are higher and far more glorious than our own ways. Not only are God’s ways higher than our ways, but they are also alien to the ways of the world.  (1 Pet 1:1-2).  As citizens of God’s kingdom we have become foreigners and exiles to this world.  We can therefore expect opposition from society as we seek not to conform to the patterns of this world.  (Rom 12:2)
 
As parents we have to become Life Long students of God’s higher thoughts and how they practically relate to parenting in order for us to receive God’s highest commendation one day, “Well done Good and Faithful Servants/Parents.” We need to firstly become students of God’s life changing Word so that we can discern His ways for our families and secondly we need to become attentive and responsive students of our children. Students of God’s Word   Parents need to acknowledge with humility, that God’s ways are better than their own and better than that of others, including theologians, child psychologists, behavioural specialists, their parents, friends and society etc.   Reading books on parenting is beneficial, but should not be at the expense of reading God’s word.  Everyone is entitled to their opinions, but not everyone’s opinion has equal weight. “God doesn’t bless perfect parenting.  He blesses humble parenting.” Anon
 
Godly wisdom starts with reverence for God, “The Fear of the Lord is the beginning of all wisdom.”  (Pro 1:7, 9:10, Ps 111:10)  We are further instructed in scripture also not to lean on our own understanding, but rather to acknowledge God in all our ways/parenting. (Pro 3: 5-6) Practically it means that we need to be reading and studying God’s word regularly.  Not out of routine, but rather out a genuine desire to discern God’s gentle whisper, his divine promptings, “Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, “This is the way; walk in it.” Isa 30:21 This verse is a wonderful reminder that God promises us that He will guide us through the complex parental mazes that we face, i.e. “At what age should my child be allowed to date?  When can my child receive their first cell phone?  What parties can my child attend? How will I approach age restrictions when it comes to films, computer games, songs, literature?  Appropriate clothing?” Today’s society is permissive and invasive and it is therefore very important that we formulate a biblical response to the challenges and opposition that we face.  Simply saying to our children, “Do it because I told you to!” is disempowering and dismissive.  Explaining your reasons from a biblical perspective and acknowledging the complexity of the situation increases your spiritual credibility and the authenticity of your faith. It also points your  children to God as the final word in all matters.      God’s design and desire for our lives and that of our children are clearly evident in His word. 
 
Students of your Children Being attentive to our children’s changing emotional, physical and spiritual needs is critical for impactful, meaningful parenting.  Acknowledging our children’s uniqueness as celebrated in Ps 139: 13-17 is important as our children are not clones of ourselves, but rather precious, uniquely created beings, “woven together” by God, for His pleasure and purposes.  Becoming a student of your child entails the following. We need to afford them the “space” and opportunities to explore their own interests and passions.    We need to encourage meaningful conversations with our children.  If we are not then be assured that someone else is.  We need to speak less and listen more. We need to ask more open ended questions and encourage open and honest dialogue without being judgemental and condescending. We need to be attentive to our children’s body language and what they are not saying.  Body language can be a very powerful barometer of our children’s well-being. We need to be aware of who they are spending their time with, get to know their friends and what they stand for. We need to be aware of the positive and negative forces at work in our children’s lives and how best we can assist and empower them to make wise, God honouring decisions.  Becoming a student of God’s word and our children is important and critical for Godly parenting. The book of James assures us that if we ask God for wisdom, He will give it to us. Thankfully we have God, the perfect parent, to help guide and lead us and don’t have to do this alone.


The Opportunity You Have Been Given: Don’t Waste It

The Opportunity You Have Been Given: Don’t Waste It.
 

In my second year of studies, I read a book by Dr Tedd Tripp called ‘Shepherding a Child’s Heart.’

He speaks throughout his book on how parents need to guide their children as they have been

given authority from the Lord ( Tripp 2005: 122). As parents, you have been given a major

responsibility from the Lord. Which will have a direct impact on a future generation.
 

You have been given a precious life to not only love and to cherish, but to raise in the way they are

to go, so that they do not depart from it (Proverbs 22:26). To be parents is an incredible

opportunity from the Lord.
 
 
My challenge to you as a parent is simply this, don’t waste it.
 

Yes, your children will forever be your children, but the time where you as a parent can have a

major influence on their lives is so small that if you are not attentive you can miss it.
 

Every day you spend with your child is a gift and should not be taken for granted (Psalm 127:3).

Use the time you have with your children wisely by teaching them about God. Teach them about

how he came down to save us from our sins, how he has a plan for our lives, how He loves us

more than we could ever love our kids and how His ways are the best ways.
 

Be there for your kids. Love them, tell them how special they are to you. However, use the

opportunity the Lord has given you to make a difference for the Kingdom of Light.
 

As a child, my parents taught me many things which to this day I hold dear. My mother especially

was significant in ensuring that I was being exposed to the things of God and was an example of

a true Christian in my life.
 

Your children watch you everyday, learn from you and as a parent you need to ensure you are

presenting a model of an authentic relationship with the Lord. Walk in step with the Spirit of God,

who helps you as seek to be the best example of Christ to your kids.
 

You are not perfect and you will mess up. Be honest in your weaknesses and rely on God’s

strength so that you can be the best parent and disciple maker for your kids that you can be.
 

Remember, your children are gifts from the Lord. Don’t waste the opportunity the Lord has given

to you.



Always Pray and Never Give Up

Always pray and never give up!!

Recently I have read Luke 18. It is the passage about the persistent widow and I was just reminded and inspired to start praying for my children more.
Often we as parents feel so guilty about all the things, opportunities or experiences our children are missing out on, but one of the biggest gifts we as parents can give our children (besides Jesus and the truth of his Word) is our prayers. Have you ever stood still and thought, How many people in my life, actually pray for me on a daily basis, with persistent and faithfulness? Not many, maybe just your spouse or your parents. My own mum died last year and it struck me one day that the person I know who prayed for me on a daily basis is gone, and besides me missing her, I am also going to miss that comforting thought that she prayed for me faithfully.
Let’s read the passage again!
The Parable of the Persistent Widow
18 Then Jesus told his disciples a parable to show them that they should always pray and not give up. 2 He said: “In a certain town there was a judge who neither feared God nor cared what people thought.3 And there was a widow in that town who kept coming to him with the plea, ‘Grant me justice against my adversary.’
4 “For some time he refused. But finally he said to himself, ‘Even though I don’t fear God or care what people think, 5 yet because this widow keeps bothering me, I will see that she gets justice, so that she won’t eventually come and attack me!’”
6 And the Lord said, “Listen to what the unjust judge says. 7 And will not God bring about justice for his chosen ones, who cry out to him day and night? Will he keep putting them off? 8 I tell you, he will see that they get justice, and quickly. However, when the Son of Man comes, will he find faith on the earth?
When I looked closely at this passage I realized the following:
The Widow
The widow in the passage was without status or means. She had no husband to protect or defend her. Her situation was hopeless.
The widow came to the judge repeatedly asking for justice. Later she drove him crazy and wore him out. She had no other hope or place to go.
The Judge
The judge in the passage neither feared God nor cared about people. He also ignored the widow.
After the persistence of the widow, he admitted he did not care about her or God, but because she drove him crazy, he saw that she got justice, because she was wearing him out with her constant requests.
 
God’s Children (us as parents)
We are Jesus’s beloved bride. Our status and position could not be better, we are his bride for which he loves and cares. We have so many things on our side. We have the Holy Spirit, we have the word of God and we have bold access to the King of Kings through our Bridegroom Jesus Christ (Hebrews 4:16) by our prayers. We do not wear him out with our requests; he wants to hear from us.
God
God is not like the unjust Judge, he cares deeply about us and he is a just God. He cares so much about us and our children that He gave up His own son for us. As Jesus said: ”Learn from the unjust Judge, even he rendered a just decision at the end.” So shouldn’t we believe that God will listen to our prayers, especially when we pray for our children?
The parable ends with this profound statement: “But when the Son of Man returns, how many will he find on the earth who have faith?”
I was wondering: “Do I have enough faith to pray for my kids and believe that if I am persistent and never give up, God will grand me my request? He is a just and loving God. Do I have enough faith to pray constantly for my kid’s salvations and choices they make in life? Will Jesus find me to have faith when he returns? Do I trust God that He will not ignore me but that he will grant me justice?
Will I have enough faith to rather pray that my kids should increase in faith and knowledge, that they should be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless for the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ (Philippians 1:9) OR will my prayer only be?: “Please let him make the hockey/rugby team”
Will I have enough faith to rather pray, “Lord please let them keep themselves pure, so that they can be a special utensil for honorable use. Let their lives be clean, and ready for the Master to use him/her for every good work. May my children run from anything that stimulates youthful lusts. Instead, may my child pursue righteous living, faithfulness, love, and peace. Enjoy the companionship of those who call on the Lord with pure hearts.” (2 Tim 2: 21-22) OR will my prayer just be, “Please, let my child pass the exams or find a job?”
Let our prayers be persistent, urgent and heavenly minded.
As you study the word of God pray these truths over your child’s life. God the righteous Father will be faithful and grant you justice. As we pray persistently and on a daily basis for our kids, we realize how desperately we too need Him and how we are so depended on Him as parents. It keeps us connected and in fellowship with Him
Let us always pray and never give up so when the Son of Man comes, will he find faith on the earth?
Happy praying!!!


Parenting From a Place of Humility

Parenting from a place of Humility

If anyone had told us before we had kids how hard parenting would be, we would never have believed them. It always looks so simple when you’re looking in from the outside.
Everyone seems to glide through parenting so easily. You rarely get to hear about the rough and tumble of it all. How very hard it is to spend 24 hours a day 7 days a week giving up yourself for the sake of your children. How exhausting it is dealing with the emotional ups and downs of your children; the constant fighting and arguing of sibling rivalry, the constant emotional demands made from you as a parent. And yet….. as hard as it is, it’s equally rewarding.
To watch your children growing and developing into the young people that God is shaping them to be. And it all passes in a flash. When you’re in the middle of it, it feels like it will never end. And then you blink your eyes and all of a sudden they are starting high school and those baby years are a distant memory. As you parent, you realise that just when you think you know it all, a new phase starts and you’re back at the beginning again. But you come to know that each phase comes and goes and that you will survive it and hopefully your children will too.
Each phase comes with its own set of challenges and you realise that you as a parent will never know everything. That you will always be learning. Learning who you are as a parent; learning who your children are. And it’s a journey that has a beginning, but very rarely an end, because you know that once you’ve had children, you are always walking around with your heart in someone else’s body.
And it’s hard. It’s hard to see your children hurting. It’s hard to see them experience the hard knocks of life and to know that they will survive it because you did. It’s hard to see them struggle with friendships, relationships, difficulties at school, disappointments. And it’s hard to know sometimes how to reach them, how to speak to them in and through the situations they find themselves in, how to encourage them, how to show them that they are beautiful and perfect just the way they are no matter what the world says. It’s hard to know what the balance is between encouraging ambition in your child and putting too much pressure on them; how to teach them to Love the Lord with all their hearts and live their lives for Him; and yet at the same time live in a world which teaches them exactly the opposite.
Parenting has taught us many things; but the most important thing we have learnt is that the only way we have any hope of parenting effectively is to parent on our knees! Parenting requires so much wisdom, so much discernment, so much grace and so much patience that we need to be heavily dependent on God in order to parent our children with any hope of getting them safely through childhood and into adulthood. We desperately need His wisdom and His discernment for this parenting journey because without it, we can do nothing for our children. We have realized that we are completely helpless and hopeless as parents without the Lord guiding us every step of the way. We cannot parent in our own strength, but we know that in our weakness He is strong and where we fail and fall, He carries us through.
And we are so grateful that we can know that where we fail, God is there and we can trust Him with our children’s tomorrows. We’re so grateful that the responsibility of raising our children is not solely in our hands because they would be a mess. We know that God is our refuge and our strength, that He has a perfect plan and purpose for our kid’s lives. He has appointed us to raise them and we need to take that task seriously by constantly committing ourselves to raising them in a godly way, consistently pointing them to Him, and being His hands and feet to them. And the best part of parenting on our knees is that we know that despite our weaknesses and failures as parents, God is the ultimate parent and he has a beautiful plan and purpose for our children, and His plans for our children will be realised despite us!


The role of our Friday night ministry in the spiritual lives of the family

The role of our Friday night ministry in the spiritual lives of the family.

 

What the Bible says about ministering to children:

Judges 2:7-10

The people served the Lord throughout the lifetime of Joshua and of the elders who outlived him and who had seen all the great things the Lord had done for Israel. Joshua son of Nun, the servant of the Lord, died at the age of a hundred and ten. And they buried him in the land of his inheritance, at Timnath Heres in the hill country of Ephraim, north of Mount Gaash. 10 After that whole generation had been gathered to their ancestors, another generation grew up who knew neither the Lord nor what he had done for Israel.

Joshua led the nation and did amazing things with the Lord. The nation was close to God during Joshua’s reign and he really did lead the Israelites spiritually. The problem came in when the generation that followed Joshua was not taught properly or ministered to effectively. The generation who would have been children during Joshua’s reign were not taught about God and what He had done for them. This lead to this young generation not knowing God at all and they served other false Gods. We cannot afford to allow this to happen to the generation that follows ours and so we need to be teaching them about God.

 

Psalm 78:1-8

My people, hear my teaching; listen to the words of my mouth. I will open my mouth with a parable; I will utter hidden things, things from of old— things we have heard and known, things our ancestors have told us. We will not hide them from their descendants; we will tell the next generation the praiseworthy deeds of the Lord, his power, and the wonders he has done. He decreed statutes for Jacob and established the law in Israel, which he commanded our ancestors to teach their children, so the next generation would know them, even the children yet to be born, and they in turn would tell their children. Then they would put their trust in God and would not forget his deeds but would keep his commands. They would not be like their ancestors— a stubborn and rebellious generation, whose hearts were not loyal to God, whose spirits were not faithful to him.

 

This was a Psalm of salvation history warning the Israelites not to repeat the mistakes of their ancestors. They were being instructed to teach the younger generation about who God is and what He stands for. This is our mission today just as much as it was theirs back then. We need to be intentional about ministering to the children we see. It was an instruction to prevent the children from turning away from God. We love the children and you all love your children and it is because of that love that we need to do everything we possibly can for them.

 

What is the parent’s role?

Parents are the primary source of spiritual nourishment

The parents are the ones who the children learn from and encounter more often than anyone else.

Children learn basic spiritual principles from you such as:

  • Compassion – How you treat people
  • Spiritual authenticity – observing parents pray and read their Bible
  • Morality – turning off inappropriate TV programs
  • Integrity – repaying shop clerk when they give you too much change.

 

Children learn that from you and then replicate that in their own lives. You need to be reaching into their lives everyday

Some ways to do this is:

  • “Ask them where they saw Jesus in their day” (In other words ask them if there was something in their day where they saw Gods goodness or a characteristic of God in someone else’s actions.)
  • Do family devotions
  • Ask them what they learnt at Children’s Ministry

 

What is our role?

If the parents are like the daily meals in their children’s spiritual growth we are like a multivitamin that they receive once a week.

  • We provide a safe environment:
    • where children can connect in fellowship
    • they can learn a set curriculum customised to what they going through
    • a place where they are free to ask questions
    • a place where they can pray with others and have others pray for them

 

We need to work together:

Research done by the International Bible Society indicated that 83% of all Christians who participated in the survey gave their lives to the Lord at the age of 4-14.

Their stats show that the probability of an individual giving their life to Christ is:

  • 5-13 = 32%
  • 14-18 = 4%
  • 19 and older = 6%

 

We need to work together and help each other out. We are here to help the family in any way we can. That requires you giving us feedback on ways we can improve or even the needs of your families that you feel we can help with. I just want to highlight that the responsibility of reaching the next generation is both the parents and the church, but it is primarily the parent’s responsibility. Let’s do what we can for the children. By us working together we can ensure the next generation has the best chance possible at remaining in relationship with Christ and experiencing His love in their lives.



Being There Matters

BEING THERE MATTERS
 

On my fiftieth birthday I was presented with perhaps my most precious gift ever received, namely, a little bag with fifty cards in it.  On these cards were fifty messages of appreciation to me that Heidi, Christopher and Kaitlyn had written.  They had looked past the many flaws in my character as a husband and father and called out those traits they appreciated in me.  I was humbled by this incredible expression of love as I am deeply aware of how grace, God’s grace has sustained and been central to the kind of father and husband I have hoped to be.  I am also so aware of the incredible mom Heidi has been to our children.  As a parent she is so much more than I could ever be.  So as I read the cards, time and again I was left amazed at how the little things along the way had mattered.  Being there mattered. 

One of the first cards Kaitlyn wrote magnified this truth.  She said, “I love that you have supported me in terms of my singing and my artwork”.  Now there is a story there and in a moment I will try help you understand the emotion in what she said.  But before I do, essentially being there for your children means that you become a student of their character and personality.  To get to know them along with what makes them tick and to not diminish them by imposing on them some preconceived idea of who I think they should be.  It is recognising, along with the Psalmist, that they are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139).  They matter to God. 

So I tried to be there for each of them.  Physically for sure – many hours were spent at school events, taking them to music lessons, alongside cricket fields and hockey pitches, pitching up at art displays and so much more.  I tried as best I could to be an involved father recognising that I only had a small window of time to make a difference in their lives and provide them with a deep sense of security through being loved and cared for.  But being there for them was and continues to be so much more than simply being there for them physically.  It also means being there and being engaged in their emotional and spiritual lives.  I like to believe and I know it to be true that both our children learnt first-hand, from Heidi and myself, what it means to love, serve and honour God.  I am not saying that we always got it right but I can tell you that the deep longing of our hearts was that our home would be a place where God and people would be honoured and loved.  It was at the kitchen table and bed times and in the car to choir and guitar practice that often our conversation drifted into exchanges around faith, love, disappointments, uncertainties and a myriad of other very real and important topics.  They opened up because we were prepared to listen in spaces they were comfortable to talk. 

But being there has also meant giving support in times of hurt and heartbreak. Each of our children have had experiences that could have shaped them very differently if we had not been there in the moment they needed us.  Each had disappointments, hurts and times of confusion along the way.  On one occasion Kaitlyn missed out on something she so deeply longed to do.  I had to be there, we had to be there.  On another occasion she was set-up to fail with her singing, and when she did she lost confidence.  We had to be there.  And in the process of her regaining confidence to sing in front of people again, we had to be there.  We had to be there for Christopher when he went through a very confusing time of being misdiagnosed with epilepsy.  We had to be there when he was disappointed by people he trusted.  We had to be there through times of anxiety and stress of facing exams that were just so demanding.  In these moments I could not afford to be an absent and apathetic father.  For by being absent or apathetic in the moment would have left my children to deal with many of life’s hits alone. And it is certainly my hope that what they have received from Heidi and I they will pass on to their children as a legacy of being there when it mattered most.  

So as I conclude let me take this opportunity to make some practical suggestions of how you can be there in the moment.  But before I do let me remind you that God has only given you a very small window of time that your children get to be with you.  So be there, with them, when it matters. 

Here are some suggestions (this is by no means an exhaustive list but only examples of what you could do):

  • Set aside regular time with each of your children (individually), to do things with them that they enjoy. Men this includes stepping out your comfort zones and to take your daughter shopping, if that is what she enjoys.
  • Do fun projects together: Build a tree-house TOGETHER, build a dolls house TOGETHER, garden TOGETHER, whatever, just do it TOGETHER.   
  • Do special birthday events at 13 and 18 for your children (make these spiritually significant moments)
  • Find out where and when your children like to talk. This won’t necessarily be at your convenience.  But find this space.
  • Make the dinner table a safe space to talk. For us it is at our kitchen table.
  • Offer to be the parent to pick up your children and their friends from parties, after the matric dance, etc.
  • Be there at significant milestones in their lives. When they arrive for their matric dance, at birthdays, when they go out on their first date, etc. 
  • Let your home be a safe place where your children can hang out with their friends.

I am sure you realise I could list pages of practical ideas you could us.  But the bottom line is “Children are not a distraction from more important work.  They are the most important work.” (CS Lewis)  So be there when it matters.