RELATIONSHIP MATTERS
I recently read a Focus on the Family article written by a mom whose kids have all left home and she was left with empty hallways and silent bedrooms. This really resonated with me. Somehow, I have got to the stage where I am closer to kids leaving and going out on their own than when I had them all under foot, running around like crazy beings.
I must admit, sometimes during all that craziness of babies crying, toddler temper tantrums, school time busyness and rushed afternoons filled with homework, sports and assignments, there were days where I would think it would be nice to have some peace and quiet.
Now that I have a few short years left before the last one of the family goes off to varsity and becomes independent, I am not so sure I am looking forward to those quiet days.
Looking back, I can’t believe how fast it has all gone (a common phrase often heard from parents). And I realise how short our time is to have our children around us and how few the opportunities are to minister into their lives. There is a well know saying; “the days are long, but the years are short, and this truly describes a parent’s journey. Before you know it, children need you less and less and the day comes when they are ready to go out into the world.
We have a very small window of time to be with our children and build relationships with them. Let’s not waste it. The time to build relationships with our children is now, during the busyness of day to day living.
Psalm 127 vs 3 teaches that children are our heritage from the Lord, our offspring are our reward from Him. If we really believe that then the time we have with our children will be precious beyond words and the desire to build relationships with them will become of the utmost importance. And it is that relationship which we can look forward to in the years that come. Our homes might be empty, but we have beautiful friendships with our children because we laid the foundations when they were young. When we keep that as the end goal, then time taken away from what you want to do to rather spend with your kids is no longer a sacrifice. It is a joy. The noise and craziness of young children running amok becomes pleasing because you know it is for such a brief period of time and then it passes. You appreciate every interaction you have with your kids because it is those that make a difference in their lives and to your relationship.
So often we get caught up in the busyness of our daily lives but if we want to build relationships that count, we need to intentionally put things into place to accomplish that. Make the time to have dinner around the table together. Engage with your children about topics that interest them. Listen to the music that they like and watch tv programmes with them of their choice. Make time to go on family outings. Go on holidays together where there is no other agenda other than to spend time together. There is nothing like getting away from your home routine in order to build memories together. Our children can tell us word for word stories of what happened over the years during family holidays and we still laugh regularly about the “remember when” moments of years ago. It’s not easy, but listen to your children more than you talk. Practice not freaking out when they say something that upsets you. Parents freaking out is one of the biggest hindrances to children and teens sharing what is on their hearts. Be forgiving. Be humble. If you have had an argument or words have been exchanged, be quick to say sorry. Even if you were not fully at fault. When we humble ourselves and restore that relationship, not only are we modelling for our children a repentant heart, but we are showing them that our relationship with them is more important than us being right. Try and remember what it was like being a “misunderstood “child or a hormonal teenager. Think about their day and the pressures they face, the complex issues they have to navigate and let’s be understanding and tolerant. Above all, pray unceasingly for them.
Will you have tough times? Of course you will. There will be days when it feels like you are on a battleground. But the stage you are in is going to pass. Will you make mistakes? That is a certainty. But children are often amazingly forgiving of the things we do and say that are wrong. Don’t despair or give up. Keep the end goal in sight, that when they leave your home, you want that relationship intact. Celebrate having them in your life and enjoy the heritage and reward the Lord has given you.